Atlanta humor
Celestine Sibley
Decatur
Mike Luckovich
Stone Mountain
Atlanta Braves
Clark Howard
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Access Atlanta
- Atlanta is composed entirely of one-way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina.
- All directions start with, “Go down Peachtree....”
- Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end.
- Atlanta is home of Coca Cola. That’s all we drink here, so don’t ask for any other soft drink.
- Atlantans only know their way home and their way to work.
- Gate One at the Airport is 32 miles away from the Main Concourse.
- It’s impossible to go around a block and wind up on the street you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls it a “scenic drive.”
- The 8 a.m. rush hour is from 6:30 to 9:30 a.m. The 5 p.m. rush hour is from 3:30 to 6:30 p.m. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning.
- Reversible lanes are not understood by anybody.
- “Sir” and “Ma’am” are used by the person speaking to you if there’s a remote possibility that you’re at least 30 minutes older than they are.
- Ponce de Leon Avenue can only be pronounced by a native, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you.
- The falling of one rain drop causes all traffic to immediately cease; so will daylight savings time and a girl applying eye shadow across the street, or a flat tire three lanes over.
- If you’re standing on a corner and a MARTA bus stops, you’re expected to get on and go somewhere.
- Construction on Peachtree Street is a way of life, and a permanent form of entertainment.
- Construction crews aren’t doing their job properly unless they close down all lanes except one during rush hour.
- Atlanta’s traffic is the friendliest around. The commuters spend hours mingling with each other twice a day. In fact, Atlanta’s traffic is rated number 1 in the country. You will often see people parked beside the road and engaged in lively discussions.
- Atlantans are very proud of our racetrack, known as Road Atlanta. It winds throughout the city on the interstates, hence its name.
- Georgia 400 is the southern equivalent of the Autobahn. You will rarely see a semi-truck on Georgia 400, because the truck drivers are intimidated by the oversized-SUV-wielding housewives racing home after a grueling day at the salon or the tennis match to meet their children at the school bus.
